Making Peace with Sex

As I was going to bed last night, I started composing this blog entry. I was tempted to get up immediately and start writing, but decided just to post some notes on my iPhone so I wouldn’t forget what I wanted to write about. I was tired and needed to sleep; besides I had the blankets all warmed up. So here it goes….

When I was a teenager, one of my places of safety was my parish church. My parish priest, Fr. Wise, SSE, an Edmundite Priest, was a gruff man; but that was only on the surface. He was hugely obese and diabetic. He would eventually die from being morbidly obese and that was a true loss to humanity and to our Holy Mother Church.

Father Wise took a liking to me. I was at the parish almost every day doing stuff. It was that or be at home being abused. Take your pick. I chose to be at church where it was at least peaceful. I guess I did this for a couple of years. Father Wise did take me out on rare occasions for dinner. One night we went to a restaurant, ate dinner and had dessert. During dessert, Father Wise brought up the subject of sex. I think he knew I was or had been sexually abused. It’s not the sort of thing you can ask somebody though. It might have been something I said. Maybe during confession, I mentioned I masturbated. Anyway, Father Wise gave me some simple advice; some simple advice that should be given to our Holy Mother Church now. He told me: “Love your Penis.” I looked at him. My face and demeanor said, “Huh? What?” I thought everyone knew that in Alabama, the Deep South, we don’t talk about sex, or penises, or stuff like that; especially in the 1970s. He told me that I wouldn’t understand then and that I would when I was older. Fortunately, that awkward moment passed.

I did get older. I shared that conversation with only one other person on the planet. I had no idea what it meant. It took me a long time to figure it out. What does it mean to love one’s penis? What does it mean to love one’s sexuality? If a woman, what does it mean to love one’s vagina?

Fundamentally, this is a discussion about sex, sexuality, the goodness and beauty of sex and sexuality, and how I know our Holy Mother Church is wrong about it all. Of course, once again I know according to the Church I have slipped into error. But when your truth causes young people to hate themselves and kill themselves, is your truth really the truth? Or are you the one in error? If your truth is the source of an evil, then it is in itself evil.

I discovered in my Catholic journey in life and my recent foray into Seminary and I’ve been twice in my life, that the Roman Catholic Church hates, loathes, and despises sex, penises, and vaginas. The Church has developed an entire theological base to support this hatred and imbalanced view of something remarkably beautiful, creative, chaotic, and dangerous. I found that the real people who do the absolute real heavy lifting in the creative process, WOMEN, have very little to practically no say in the development of sexual theology. If a woman attempts it and deviates an iota, she is immediately branded a heretic and censored by our precious Holy Mother Church. Holy Mother Church is an organization entirely ruled by MEN who have PENISES and hate that fact. They loathe the fact that they have a penis. They have invented a class of life to support the non-use of their penis, called it celibacy, and deemed it to be holier (for many years) than marriage. Further, an ancillary to their hatred of the penis, is their absolute, absolute hatred of the VAGINA. These men hate the vagina. They are afraid even to say its evil, putrid name; less it rots the mind or their sacred male lips. Of course, this is all poppycock.

I guess the bottom line for all of humanity is that if you are born, you have either a penis or a vagina; sometimes there are folks born with both or with neither. Why then hate the very thing used to create more human life and then create a theology to marginalize people who God has decided to fully express God’s broad notion of sexuality? What the heck am I talking about? Humans have a wonderful ability to think narrowly. Men should only love women and women should only love men. That’s the rule and that’s the way God made us. That’s the reasoning. That may be correct for a sizable percentage of humans; but then you have another large percentage of the population that do not fall within that parameter of the rule. Some men love men; some women love women; some men/women love both at the same time; some folks have genders that just don’t fit them at all.

Why would God, the Creator of us all, do such a thing? Holy Mother Church declares that such aberrancy is evil and the result of original sin. Of course, I am falling into error and heresy; but I am speaking as one enlightened by God and not by Men who have a long history of hating their penises. I would proffer that God in her beauty and perhaps sublime chaotic sense of humor decided to make man and woman in God’s complete image, giving humanity the full array of sexuality spread across a broad spectrum and limited to no one. Yes, God playfully made some men and women more representative of God’s image than other men and women. Yes, just maybe all these alternate sexualities are nothing more than a type of practical joke on humanity. Kind of funky-groovy if you don’t mind switching the tables. Kind of sucky if you hate your penis and hate vaginas.

I guess the bottom line then becomes the need to make peace with your sex organ. Truly love the fact that you have been born with either a penis or a vagina. Learn the science and meaning behind your penis and vagina. Don’t fall into the trap of the myth and magic of a religion that will make you hate your penis and vagina. Remember, it is men who hate their penises that have crafted the rules of a theology of sexuality bringing ‘evil’ into the mix. Yep, men really are dumbasses; women really ought to take over on some issues. Re-think beauty and how God really views things; not angry men who loath a part of themselves. Anyway, I love my penis. Do you love yours? If you are female, do you love your vagina?