Oh My! I am going to have a baby!

No, not me. My spider, Charlotte, the Black Widow, has an egg sac. I don’t even recall when some poor male BWS snuck in. Maybe she was with child when I found her. Maybe when I found her she was running away from home because she was pregnant and unmarried. Well it’s a good thing I found her and rescued her. Heck, what am I going to do with 945 (best guess) baby black widow spiders? I’ll probably call the university spider specialists and ask if they want some.

I am planning my second career. Some ideas are 1. Virginia School Teacher, 2. Spy, 3. Postal Worker, 4. Legal Administrator for some local law firm. 5. Worker at the Sbarro’s in the mall. 6. Real estate agent (people tell me I could sell anything.)

I am happy as a pig in mud that I am close to retiring from the military. I can stay for several more years but I am desperately afraid I’ll punch one of my lawyer bosses and then get court-martialed. I have been deferring some plans I’ve had for a very long time. I really want long hair and side burns and one of those cute goatees that people use to have in the late 19th century. Geez, another thing is that I am 40. I have an issue with that. I don’t feel 40. I don’t feel comfortable with that feeling. For some reason, I still picture myself as 19. It boggles me. I am wondering whether this is a midlife crisis feeling or not. I don’t think it is a midlife crisis because I am not interested in a new car or dumping my sweet and lovely wife. I think Erika remembers my wife from Puerto Rico (Do you?) and will agree with me that I am one crazy guy. I am on leave also for over a week and intend on getting blitzed at our former neighbor’s from Germany’s house this weekend. I love wild parties. What is age anyway? I need you smart and lovely bohemian people to give me some ideas.

Another thing, I am horny as hell and haven’t a clue why. Is it due to the spider having an egg sac or is it more to do with my looming retirement from the military. Or maybe I should switch underwear (again). Hmmm….

Sometimes I think I have a multiple personality. Sometimes I feel so holy and other times so base. Where in the world does that come from? Anyone got any answers?

Categories: Blog

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